The Best of the Bests of 2010

The dawn of a new year brings an overwhelming need to assess the cultural events of the previous one. What made us stop and think? What made us read shitty newspapers in an effort to gain insights into tawdry news garbage? I’ve spent the past fortnight trying to put together my very own top 10 of 2010 and I’ve failed miserably through a combination of distractions. So I’ve decided to rape and pillage other publication’s top 10s and pick the best and most bizarre that I could find, with a little discussion thrown in for good measure. Here goes…

1) If I had a proper top 10, number one would probably be Tripping Along The Ledge aka http://www.eoinbutler.com, the website of Ireland’s greatest living journalist. I have a personal love of Mr. Butler since the days of Mongrel but his scribblings in various newspapers and his blog posts have mentally sustained me through a variable year. In his end of year compilation, Eoin has such categories as “Crisp of the Year”, “Emerging Crisp of the Year”, “You’re Dead to me Crisp of the Year” and “Least Intriguing Film Title of the Year”. You can go and see for yourself who the victors were. The titles were enough for me.

2) You can’t really do a round up of the Best of the Bests of any year without including something from Time magazine. I’m gonna go for the ol’ faithful and have a little chat about their man of the year, Mark Zuckerberg. Mark has indeed changed the world with the introduction of Facebook. I now read newspaper articles and spend a few seconds scanning the page for the “Like” button when I enjoy them. I now know what my ex-boyfriend gets up to at the weekend. I got poked by my Auntie Mary. Not as much of a laugh as you would imagine. Facebook’s grand when you’re drunk or bored. Zuckerberg as man of the Year? Doubt it.

3) Now for some music. http://www.aolradioblog.com informs me that the top song of 2010 is California Gurls by Ms. Katy Perry. Typing “Gurls” makes me want to pinch my eyelids really hard until my soul stops hurting. To be fair, I have sung along to this. For it to have emerged as the top song of 2010, however, seems a tad excessive. The lyrics include such poetry as “Sun kissed skin so hot will melt your popsicle” which sounds like somebody doing a shit Soviet accent impression. She does shoot whipped cream out of her tits at the end of the video though so who am I to judge?

4) Sooooooo, google.com tells me that the fastest rising query in 2010 was “Chatroulette”. I had never gone on Chatroulette before so I decided I’d give it a go for the sake of the blog. In approximately 3 minutes I saw 3 erect penises in not particularly erotic surroundings, several blank spaces, 4 douchebags with emo hair and baseball hats and 1 old, old man licking his lips. Was I doing it wrong?

5) The top 10 movies of 2010 list compiled by http://www.imdb.com places Inception at the very top. Me and Ellen Page have a hate-hate relationship since her rubbish debut in Juno so fate wee-weed all over that film for me but other people think it’s deadly so I’m willing to let it fly. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is in there, as is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and How To Train Your Dragon. It’s pretty obvious. Sci-fi is winning so just shove a dragon in any future celluloid venture and you’re clear.

6) Irishcentral.com kindly created a list of top 10 Irish people to celebrate this Christmas, ie. in 2010. It’s mostly charming, featuring Michael Flatley and Emma Donoghue, but there are one or two mysteries in the list. Conan O’ Brien? I understand with a name like that he sounds like he could be from Tullamore but he’s very much a Yank through and through. I don’t think we can claim him as one of our own at this stage, as much as we’d like to. They also list Olivia Wilde, the hot lady from Tron. I’m not arguing this, per se, merely questioning the validity of our stake in their success. But they do list the Rubberbandits so whatever. Work away.

7) The ever helpful http://www.thenextweb.com names “The Bed Intruder Song” as the number one youtube video of 2010. If any of you are not familiar with this have a nose at it here.

At the time of writing it had reached 64 million views. SIXTY FOUR MILLION VIEWS. I have nothing else to say on this except wow.

8)The Guardian listed Stinky the Garbage Truck as their top toy of 2010. He eats cars, talks and apparently dances. I’m kind of enamoured with him and wish him all the best for 2011 but I can’t see him making any lists at the end of this year, sadly. Also flying high are the Sylvanian Families which were a favourite of mine many years ago. It’s nice to see the furry little fellas sustaining their popularity but unless they turn them into dragons or robots I predict a drop out of the top 10 in 2011.

9) So the L.A. Times tells me that one of the top 5 news stories of 2010 was Steve Jobs unveiling the iPad. I am all about the Apple. I have an iPod, an iPhone and an iMac and I love them all like offspring. I still think the iPad is an unholy lump of shit. I’d like to watch a film, I’m on a train, I have an iPad. It has no stand and therefore it keeps slipping off everything I try to balance it on or else I have to sit it at an unusual angle causing neck strain. Just get a laptop and save yourself the bother.

10) Ok, here’s the last one. http://www.paperboy.com/uk has the splendid news that the Sun had the highest daily readership figures in the U.K. in 2010. Almost 3 million readers per day compared with the Times’s 500,000 or the Guardian’s 288,000. Tits, football and competitions win the day again.

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