Sometimes your butt feels too big…


Let’s start from the very beginning… So when I was a kid I was a little chubster. I had curly blonde hair and little fat cheeks and a small belly. When I was about 10 I remember my Mam used to bribe me with “normal” gifts so I wouldn’t ask for chocolate easter eggs. I was the tallest in my class, I had the broadest shoulders and I looked like a giant in amongst the small ladies of my school.

As I grew older, I loved my ass. It’s not a booty in the terms that we now use, but more a large shelf of flesh. It reaches from the top of my thighs to the base of my back and is like a perfect cut of ham. Anyway, this story is about finally realizing what your body means to you.
I was at the gym on Sunday, a weird day to go to the gym apparently. I was sandwiched between two extremely thin women who discussed their shape non-stop for about 30 minutes. They were both so slim, so much smaller than me and I really had to stop and think about how I fitted in to that conversation.
They talked about giving up sugar and taking gluten into account and i just sat mesmerized, aware of my ass cheeks at every turn.
At one point, I couldn’t just listen anymore and I pulled on a new sweater over my head. I had just run 3 kilometers. To me, this is a massive achievement, but as I heard the very skinny women speak, it felt like nothing. As this thought developed and the sweater dragged over my face, I felt a pull on my skin. The size 14 tag from Primark was now attached to my forehead and nose and chin. I branded myself in a gym full of toned and skinny women. I peeled the sticker off and started from the beginning.
This time 6 months ago I couldn’t run 5 minutes, and now I can run 20. My heart feels better, my ass is slightly less wobbly and yeah, I’m still a size 14 but so bloody what?
To all those who run and do yoga with the fear of not being thin enough: I salute you. Our wonderful bodies will adapt to anything we want them to, fat arses or no fat arses. So for all those times I’ve felt uncomfortable in my own body, i’d like to offer an olive branch to those of you who feel uncomfortable in yours. Life is good, exercise is good and nothing can make you feel as excellent as a solid bout of moving around in your own body; fat or not.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s